I know that title sounds weird and far fetched, but let me explain.
First, a little bit of back story: I was a stay at home mom for 13 years before I began kind of working outside the home. Even when I was a SAHM, I did little side things. I cleaned houses and offices. I babysat. I worked from home as a nutritional therapist after I got my certification, but let that go after I realized people were really only interested in weight loss and I wasn't interested in doing that professionally long term. My first "outside" of the home job after becoming a mom was in 2018, after I graduated from my yoga teacher training. I taught multiple styles of yoga. I taught a class almost every day of the week, but was only gone for like 2 hrs. Through all of this, I still considered myself a homemaker.
I'm sharing that because I really do believe that you are a homemaker no matter if you get paid to work in or out of the home. A homemaker is someone who makes a "house" a "home". You can be a full time or a part time homemaker. The amount and variety of things you're able to do within your homemaking may be determined by whether you're full time or part time...but anyone can be a homemaker. That's just a little soap box of mine I guess. Okay, moving on....
In 2020, I almost died of sepsis after a simple gallbladder removal surgery. I was in ICU and then was diagnosed with Post Sepsis Syndrome after returning home. Later, it was discovered that I had a stroke while I was septic and they had bombed my body with life saving antibiotics. Later still, I was diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome or POTS. I also have a handful of other chronic things, but that's not really the focus of this post. All of this is to say that I could no longer live up to my own expectations of being a homemaker- or anything else for that matter. I couldn't even walk without passing out.
I had to go to speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy to recover.
When I became a SAHM it was a choice. So, when I couldn't afford to go get my nails done or pay for a gym membership, it was okay. It actually felt empowering because I reminded myself that I was choosing to not have/do those things because I wanted to be home with my babies instead. (NOT judging anyone who makes the opposite choice though. We all have different personalities and some of us find joy in being home while others feel trapped by that idea. Both are fine. Choice is important.)
After becoming chronically ill and having that CHOICE removed, it no longer felt empowering.
Now, I can't work. I don't have a bachelor's degree, so it's extremely difficult to find a job. The jobs that are available to those without a degree are mostly physical. I can't teach yoga anymore because no one will hire a teacher that could pass out in front of a class. (believe me, I've tried. One interviewer literally ghosted me after an interview lol). I can't serve tables or be a cashier. My physical limitations and mental limitations (aphasia post stroke and brain fog etc with POTS) held me back from finding a job. It wasn't for not trying. No one would hire me.
I even tried finding remote work, but those all turned out to either be a scam (people just data fishing- even when found on reputable sources like indeed and zip recruiter)...or, again, I got ghosted. One lady interviewed me 3 different times and even had me go through some training for HIPPA and then I never heard from her again.
You can say I was discouraged lol.
Then, after a lot of prayer and a long walk & talk with my husband, we made the decision that I would "just" be a full-time homemaker.
My daughter just graduated and will be going to SCAD in the fall, and my son only has 3 more years until he graduates. I may try to find something remote after he graduates so that Matt and I can travel and stuff...but until then, my focus is my family. I'm homeschooling and I'm homemaking.
So it is my CHOICE again. I got the power back.
Now, when I can't afford to do something extra...it feels empowering again.
And ya know what? After focusing on my homemaking, and having time and energy to put towards working on our budget, cooking meals from scratch, and saving money on DIY cleaning supplies etc... we were able to move money over to our savings account for the first time in over 4 years. So, while I didn't "make" any money; I "saved" money...which I feel is basically how full-time homemakers make money lol.
Letting go of the self imposed pressures of figuring out how to make side money and all of that stress allowed me to not only save money but also slow down and enjoy life.
Here's where the healing comes in: when I was bed ridden, I COULDN'T wash dishes, do laundry, vacuum, or garden. I couldn't bake or sew. I was only surviving- and not really even doing that well.
Now that I'm ABLE to be upright and walk around without fear of passing out most of the time, I understand the PRIVILEGE it is to be able to do all of those things.
Yes, I still have flare ups and am unable to do things, but I know they're more short lived now.
Without the pressure to "perform", to "earn money" and always "produce"...I've become more able to actually do more things.
I can slowly and mindfully hand wash dishes. I can enjoy the process of laundry. I chat with the bees while I pull weeds from my garden beds. I can take the time to actually DO those things that help me heal, like castor oil packs, rebounding, and different therapies.
I'm present.
I'm able.
I'm HEALING.
I am hopeful that you can too, if that is your desire.
Jenny