Here’s the thing… no one is really present anymore.
We all seem to be physically present but emotionally absent. We are constantly “on”. Constantly going, moving, thinking, doing. Even when we are still, our minds race to the next thought.
You know I want to discuss how poor nutrition and food dyes can exaggerate this…but today I’m going to let that simmer. Instead, I want to talk about phones and social media.
Phones are great. They’re an excellent tool for communication, broadening our horizons, useful tools for searching the internet to find the answers we need etc. Social media is fantastic. It connects us and presents opportunities that would otherwise be impossible.
But…they also can be counterproductive to the very thing they’re supposed to be used for.
Communication. Connection.
If we aren’t careful, our phones distract us from what’s in front of us. If we aren’t careful, social media will disconnect us from the lives we’re physically in.
Let me be clear. I’m not saying your phone is bad. I’m not saying social media is bad.
Here’s what I want you to hear:
Real life is happening in front of you, beside you, and behind you. You’re in it. Allow yourself to be FULLY in it. Allow yourself to become aware of the warmth or coolness of the room, the sound of chatter and laughter, the scent of your space. What’s happening around you? Who is there?
Now, what is the emotional atmosphere of the room? Does everyone seem happy? Does anyone seem disconnected? Anyone in need of cheering up? Listen to the tones in your family/friends/coworkers’ voices.
The other night, I had tucked the kids in bed and settled down on the sofa next to Matt. I was ready to relax and enjoy some down time before bed. That’s when I heard Gavin call my name. He came down and said he couldn’t sleep. I talked to him for a bit and sent him back up. A few minutes later, he came down again. Matt talked with him this time. We prayed and sent him on his way again. A third time, I heard him coming down the stairs. I had to decide in that moment: annoyance or grace?
I wanted to be annoyed. This was disrupting my plans. I wanted to just relax. I didn’t want it to be a back and forth dance all night that would inevitably end in tears.
I heard his quivering voice, “I just can’t sleep. I don’t know why.” He was as annoyed by his feelings of uneasiness as I was of not being able to unwind.
In that moment, I chose to listen fully. He did not want to be downstairs again either. I chose to take it as a “win” that although he knew it was a risk of just being sent up yet again…he still felt that I was a “safe place” for him to come to. Again.
I took his hand and we walked up the stairs to his room together this time. I snuggled up beside him. We prayed again. I sang. I allowed myself to become aware of the temperature of his room, the scent of lavender wafting from his diffuser, the orange scent of his hair, the smooth texture of his face, and the sound of his breath as he drifted off to sleep. It was so peaceful. What he needed in that moment was simply my presence, and that’s okay.
I am totally fine with that. It won’t always be like this. One day he will be a grown man, and I can feel confident that I will never wish I had held him more, snuggled him more, sat and sang him to sleep more. I may wish that I could still do it, or go back to these moments…but I will know that I didn’t allow the moments to pass when they were here.
I choose to listen now. I choose to be present now.
Won’t you join me?